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Train Ride – Revised

The word bank prompt by Kellie Elmore for inspiration is Train – Burlap – Fiction – Pearls – Vertigo

Friday prompts are unedited and created in free writing to see what you come up with using the inspirational prompt by another, as Kellie does. For me it helps get the juices flowing as well as opening me up to my inner creative thoughts. Because free writing is meant to help overcome blocks, it opens the mind. This technique with Kellie uses a focused freewrite topic to help stimulate the thought. I find it works well.  Normally I don’t show my revision in a separate post but because I have a spot for freewrite Friday, I created a separate spot for rewrites. Plus, freewriting posts are mean to be free thought flow of writing to be posted as is unlike noted in my Author’s Note stating that I write then edit, which in that instance I don’t leave a trail. I just revise the original after posting and save, overriding the other post each time or however many times I may revise a post. Enough, now here is my revision.


A cool, fall breeze blew. It was Friday and every Friday I took the train home for the weekend. It was my break away from college life. I’d feel vertigo by the week’s end from overload. Also, stress from late night studying gave me major home sick blues.

I packed a small bag and headed out to the train station. As usual I was 15 minutes early. I paced to keep warm. The train was always on time. Fifteen minutes gone by and by this time I would usually be already on board and warming up but no train yet! It was five minutes after 7 when I finally heard the whistle blow.

“Finally,” I remember whispering under my breath. My arms were crossed and I was rubbing them to keep the circulation flowing. As soon as the train stopped and the doors opened, I scurried in. Pulling out my ticket from my pocket, handing it, I walked on and took a seat. I had a small overnight bag with me. I pulled out my pocketbook, the pearl of life that released the overloaded brain. A train pulling boxcars was already coming in as we headed out. We were usually long gone by the time the other train came in. After staring out the window for a minute or two, I managed to put my head down and start reading. It took me some time to get into the fictional characters again.

He lain on the burlap rug with Maggie. The lights dim…”Why do you have to go?” Maggie sobbed.

“Get your ass over?” a voice sounded from behind.

I tried to zone it out. Then a baby started to cry.

“shut that baby up.” I then heard. “hon’ relax.” a woman’s voice said softly.

I heard a loud rumble. I thought, “What an ass.” I rolled my eyes, shook my head, my mouth tense, before putting my head back down to read again. A woman walked by with her infant as she made her way to the restroom. The baby still crying. I glanced up at her and gave her a sympathetic smile and put my head back down. I tried desperately to get back into the book.

The baby’s radiating squeal flowed through the paper-thin walls.

“Someone shut that baby up.” I heard that man yell again.

I couldn’t believe it: the late train, the loud, obnoxious man, the baby crying and the poor woman whom I could almost feel her tension. Ugh and a headache was almost coming on.

I tried desperately to get back into my book. The whistle then bellowed. I looked and we were there. I was so happy. I slammed the book down on my lap and bent over to grab my bag. I angrily got off the train practically twitching from being stiff with tension.

There stood my father waiting. He had a big smile. I could feel my shoulders slowly relax as the tension faded by the smile. I smiled back as I walked up to him and gave him a big hug. He appeared to be taken aback.

Writing prompts created by Kellie Elmore. Original post, titled Train Ride, is under Free Writing Friday.