I normally don’t do revision in a different post but I decided to do one for this. I titled the revision One Day at a Time under Touring places, Reposts.
The frigid temperature chilled the bone but the frost on the trees were inviting. I saw my breath with every exhale. From the corner of my eye, I saw a white coat of frost on my hair but I kept walking. In daze, my thoughts run deep: the troubles, the work load and that woman. I thought after a year in the field of nursing I would have built a shield of armor but instead I felt more and more sympathetic. During studies they said don’t get emotionally attached to your patients but I never saw this coming. Everyday his wife was in and the look on her face when she lost her husband was haunting: Those eyes, the fear in her face and all I could say to her is, I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop rehearsing it in my head. I felt so sad and I kept wondering if there was more I could have done.
I never lost a patient whom I cared for since entering the field. I don’t know whether I could get over this or deal with another case as devastating. I was now questioning my career. I didn’t want to go back. “I have two more shifts, that’s all. I could do this,” I whispered. Leaving the park, I began walking home.
Where had the time gone. I looked at my watch, 4:30. The sun was setting. Short days made it feel later than it was. I walked up to my door, fingers stiff, I unlocked it and went in. I slipped off my shoes and settled on the sofa. I turned the television on. Scrolled through the stations but nothing on the TV got my attention. I finally turned it off. I strolled into the kitchen and searched the fridge for something to snack on. I didn’t really want to eat but I had to have at least a small bite of something. I put together a bologna sandwich and poured a glass of orange juice. I sauntered back into the living room and sat on the sofa. I put my feet up on the ottoman and sat in silence. I just wanted quiet for now and hoped these feelings of dread and despair would pass.
My last two days of work went by fast. It was now my days off and I felt a slight relief, a weight off my chest. I know this field of work can have its ups and downs. I hoped after my days off I’d get my strength back. I called my friend and planned an evening: dinner, movie and end with a drink at the nightclub. I hadn’t been out since starting my job. It was no wonder that I was a mess, all work and no play makes me a mess of a nurse.
My days off were a blessing in disguise. I felt refreshed and recouped. Getting out really had helped. My friend was so supportive and all we did was laugh and talk about the fun things we had done before I got busy and neglected myself of leisure. I was even ready to get back to work without dread.